Eyes tightly shut. Vigorously tapping feet. Flickering pen between index and thumb. Table vibrating. Sweat tipping down from neck. Shivering jaw. Chattering teeth. Hardcore goosebumps. Shaking body. Audible heartbeat. A huge lump seem to be stuck in the throat. Nightmares flooding brain. Chill running down my spine. It almost seemed like time paused. Not just for that instant. Forever.
The destiny seemed to be hospital. When the seconds in that giant wall clock opposite to my seat ticked away merrily, my hands seemed to turn into a pool of sweat. Fingers crossed. Hoping for the best. Scared to death. Adrenaline rush taking place. World turned upside down. Inside out. Mysterious odour filled the air. That forever wait. That too, left alone. With that brain, up there. Even imagining the scene again gives me weird shudders. I felt like a Cadbury Silk left out, under heat, in typical June summer. Molten, and turning amoeboid in shape. Still hoping that, that day I wish I had left my brain somewhere on the way.
Plan-less, route less, clueless. What to do. What not to. Where to go. Expectations, money, relationships, incoherent, big terms, taken for granted. Everything turned blurry and out-of-focus, yet again. Juggling between the two world. Every second, every moment, consoling mind, soothing heart. Deep, dead nights, lost in thoughts. Tears seemed to have dried up. Those flame like sight, tearing mine apart like razor-light. Fate, destiny .…Surprises me. The world was heaven, when that soul was next to mine. Now that turned hell.
This hell’s angel rises every morning with a smile. Frantically looking around. ‘Cause now it feels like a hundred billion years past. And like all of it was a lie. The wait still seem eternal. Nothing but hollow feelings and emptiness. Unaware, unwarned and this tame little soul steps out in the gigantic world. But… Inside, a hollow beast. Waiting to be unwrapped. Most adult clichés state that experience comes with time and age. I disagree. I feel that I have undergone way too much in life. I wish mango men stop the stupid illegal deals and exploitation of maturity. Sometimes I just go through massive breakdowns. Desiring to live back those dreamy childhood days. And then life snaps me to the reality. Yeah, a fifteen-years-young ‘Venusian’ .. That’s me. And… Every single time I am made to realise that. Still, hopes lie within. Undead. Just dormant. Smiling and letting it go. The only key.