It’s pitch dark outside. I get out of my comfort zone and step into the reality. The balcony pulls me towards it. It’s like the night wants to make love to me, desperately. It’s hunger, and greed is adorable. I stand there. Still. The extreme silence, making me vulnerable, shaking my ground.
No, I’m not scared. I’m just confused.
Or maybe the big, bad, boldness really does scare me. It makes me rethink my entire point of existence.
It makes me ecstatic. it snaps me back to earth. It tells me to stop being in cloud-9 and so pretty in pink. The silence is beautifully married to an not so occasional rush of air, flowing through my face, tickling my hair, innocently.
The enormity of the planet shows my nullifying presence. I have my own secret talks to the wind. It’s all surreal and I’m simply left to gasp it all. Yeah. Maybe, its gigantic bear-like actions scares me. But it also makes me fall in love with it, even more.
i have my ‘sweet nothings’ moments with the silence. I cry to the silence, the silence lends me a shoulder, and is a great listener. The silence is just like another buddy. A buddy for life. And this friend is incredibly loyal, and causes no tantrums and breakups.
Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but silence is our very own. Continue reading “Silence”
2:24am. Day just started. I’m sitting in my bed. The chime of the clock ticking by. I sat still. Just wondering. About the coming times. The future.
Future. That word. Both excites and scares the heck out of me.
Adding up all this = My Life.
This friday.. Just as I realized I’m down:
First response: Ugh. Not again.
Second response: (cheerfully wailing) ” Yay. I’m not pregnant! ”
Hah. Just kidding. xD
Also, my mind is this pretty nuisance of which I sometimes fail to recognise myself.
3:05am. 25% of the test syllabus done.
I very well know the panic mode is next. Interestingly I also seem to know the antidote.
Loud music blasting in my ears and going for a walk during the early hours. ❤
Mind. Soul. Putting to rest now. Time to catch a few hours of sleep before the mystery unveils itself!*-*
“I’ve got one foot in the golden life,
one foot in the gutter.
So close to the other side,
So far from the wonder.”
A new start, the last straw. Grade 12. The Final year. Tensed yet happy. The happy air is actually sort of contagious. It’s all about staying positive. Time management, an important criteria. Staying away from distractions. Calming the soul and mind. It’s like a new journey to the unknown. A journey to an amazing wonderland. Touching hearts and living fullest.
Closed my eyes. Took off my specs. Lied back for a while. A deep breath. (The smell of rain and wet mud. Also, hot pakoras!) It’s just going to be fine. The future is so near, yet so far away. It’s about, stopping yourself from changing for others, and trying so hard to fit in. Because you were born to stand out.
So, meine Liebe, smile on. Look around and see the incredible sort of people surrounding you. Observe their eyes. Read their body. Learn from the wise, and stop trying to run away from the reality. Don’t procrastinate. (All of this inspiration, is from my wall.) It’s right to be wrong sometimes. But it’s wrong to not realize when you are wrong. It’s not about what you are wearing, it’s about how you wear it. Forget all the reasons why it won’t work out, and believe the only reason why it will.
No shortcuts. Just got to ‘Work For It’. Hustling on. Smile.
Anew, another day of life. Smiling and facing the world like it’s an amusing alien, like tot stare into the mirror the first time, like oldie seeing a touch phone work for the first time. You know how much your life is screwed up, all on the inside. You don’t want to face all of it, you start to realise that sometimes, in life, somethings are created, so as we could run away from them.
Then comes phase when you are genuinely confused, feel suppressed in a world full of strangers, clueless about what to do next. That’s when you start to dream. You dream of an angel. She is and angel from hell, the creepy, hollow eyes scare you till death. You are stuck. Unable to move. You are in between. On one side, you see a scary deep tunnel, on the other, a demolished world. You try, you try, to turn back. Alas, you know you are to fail. Stages when you feel you are just to young to go through the crap you are going through. Times when you still, smile, and laugh out, and howl inside.
I don’t know how many could relate, but there are moments when you want to lie in your bed, feel like hiding away in some cozy, dark space, which is your very own. Which nobody can ever figure out.
Further, if you know, sometimes, you cry out inside. You feel like a balloon, pressed till the limit, it’s tends to blast. But never does. You can see your heart melt in the heat inside, you can understand your internals burning like a red hot lava. You could hate it. You could love it. It’s all in the mind.
I’m like winter,
Cool, dry, lonely, dark.
coveting for some sun shine.
You are like summer,
Bright, happy, sexy.
That mixture would be dope.
You need autumn to get me,
As much I need spring to reach,
And make some love to you.
Uff. I can’t breath. I’m confused. Don’t know what to do. Where to go. How to stop it. No regrets. Ever. But, this shit is killing me. It’s scaring me so much. I’m just a little innocent girl. I don’t know nothing. Nothing about this bad-ass world. I am scared. I’m shivering.
Maybe it’s the cold. Or, maybe my brain. It won’t co-operate. I don’t understand this situation. Wish I was a normal girl. Wish I didn’t face this amount of hardships. I can hear my heartbeat. It’s racing. As if I ran a thousand miles. I need to forget this. I need to learn about this globe. I need to stop the heart. Calm it down.
I wish now, that I had selective amnesia. I wish I could stop people. I wish I could understand people. It’s just that, nobody ever gets what they wish for. I’m just going to forget it all. Forget it all. Smile. Deep breath. Slowly exhale. Forget. Take it easy.
I’m gobbling up some chocolates. This might help. 5-star is heaven. Forget the world. Be strong. Fight those tears. Mistakes are bound to happened. It’s not the end of the world. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I’m turning okay. It’s all good. Nothing is wrong. Oh. My. Holy. Gosh. Being agnostic kind of helps. I’m going to stop. Stop the mistakes. The pain. And start breathing. Breathing normal.
New strangers, new times, new emotions. Confusion.
Lost between ‘Try harder’ and ‘why give a damn.’
Lest of things, they utter, show no sentiments.
Hormones are the sarcastic monsters.
Spawning results, isn’t the final goal.
Tough times, aren’t the end.
Get up that lazy bum, and walk a step.
And walk another.